What a fucking waste of an outfit
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
