oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
