the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
