Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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