Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
