onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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