the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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