your parents love me but you hate me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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