I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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