I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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