Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
