So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize