Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
