I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
