is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
