We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
