I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just gift wrapped bread.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I believe in your delicious
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
