you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
