You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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