I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
