You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
