Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize