Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
