I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
