i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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