Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bring money and cleavage
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
