Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
