I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
