At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
