dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
