Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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