i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
