Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
