I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
