Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
