There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
