Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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