Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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