You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
