I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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