READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
