My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize