paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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