What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
