Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
