like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
