her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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