My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
PANTIES FOUND
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