Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
