I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
