My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
