You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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