come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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