you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
