It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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