and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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