LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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