That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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