I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
