Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
