Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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