just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
