I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
