I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
