I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
