They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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