even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
