i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
