New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did i walk over a car last night?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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